I try to find some zenful presence
in the stale dishwater
try to focus on how I will miss these piles of their
dirty laundry when I am old and all alone
alone (but god today I want to be alone!)
but no I will not wish these selfish things
when you are gone
I will ache for you, gone
trying to remember the feel of your inside out
shirt sleeves as I pull them
right side out one by one by week
by month by decade
but some days
I cannot find
gratitude
in the bounty of crumbs
cannot fathom starvation
in the wealth scraped plates
yes I should be grateful to be born
stainless steel spoon in mouth
oh guru oprah ghandi ghandi solitary sherpa someone help me
scrub my way to enlightenment!
no, no these tired suds do not move me
to imagine salty foam brine
between my toes
as I feel waves
carry everything away
castle
crumble
it does nothing to adjust my attitude
motherfucker do your own goddamn laundry
yes
I
love
you
and count blessings like fallen buttons
with finger prick single blood drop sewn back on
but god help me some days
I want to lose them through cracks
excuse myself the step
introduce loss
drama
and I called for jesus too
come kick my ass and he came
sure enough he did
70 miles per hour
glass breaking metal crushing ditch flipping
kick leaving only seat belt bruise messages
small price for adjustment
and still still still all I can think is
throw your own goddamn tea bag away
as it drips its tannin stain on the counter
trash can inches from the edge waiting
like a big mouth bitch waiting
for you to miss
